cry with me: Reflection

MEANt to do this without crying but failed miserably here it goes: 

While I wish the circumstances were different, I am proud of myself for being able to pull through and produce the short film.
I deviated a little from my original idea to adapt to the situation, and ended up liking the more abstract vibe it had to it. I feel like it was extremely helpful for me to storyboard and visualize my idea first, and discussing it in class. I feel like that is what I missed the most in the final parts of my project. I fell in love with so many of my shots, that didn't end up making the cut, and that was because of my lack of planning. I let myself loose motivation when the pandemic started, and that set me way behind, so catching up was a challenge. I was so excited and passionate about my original idea, that the process of letting that one go, and realizing I was going to have to make changes and act was longer that it should've been. Nonetheless, I kept going and in the last few weeks was able to pull it together and finish.
Editing was, as always, the most arduous process. I felt extremely lost, and wished I would've had a clearer idea of what I wanted my film to be. But in the way I got to learn many more tricks and widgets of final cut. I enjoyed just the same, even with the stress, all nighters, full storage notifications, and confusing crashing moments that scared me to death. I found myself feeling like an expert, and struggled to remember a girl who use final cut for the first time just over a year ago.

The whole process of making this film was extremely cathartic to me. I had always wanted to be in control, and uncertainty had always been a constant in my life, and my biggest enemy and fear. I usually struggle with dealing with my emotions during situations, and find myself showing them in unusual ways. This film helped me come to terms and accept what I felt in the immigration process. This film reflects what a day to day felt for me for over two years. I had thought I had accepted uncertainty in life, as everything around us is truly uncertain, and I was reminded of that in the situation happening right now. Everything is just a flicker away from chaos, and I needed this film to accept those feelings of not knowing. I learnt what the process had taught me, and how I had grown from it. I had struggled with talking about it, especially with my parents, because we had all been so stressed about it just a few months prior. I didn't even tell them what the film, or their scene was about, they understood when they watched, and kinda got mad that I didn't explain before, because they said they could've acted better hahahah. I think this short film finally helped me see the big picture, especially as I see now, from the future how it all turned out fine.

One phrase from the film that truly represents my feelings was the "Bailando con la Luna en un cuarto lleno de dinero" (dancing with the moon in a room full of money), the only phrase I didn't translate (on purpose) to give power to the meaning.When I came up with it I didn't really know its meaning, and thought it just sound cool and poetic. But I now realize what it means to me. It mean how we can sometimes seek the impossible, and want what seems impossible, and grasp for the epitome of happiness or success, and look for symbols that symbolize that. Money is often a factor that equals success, happiness, but for me money wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to be able to dance with the moon, to feel free, of everything that I felt was tying me down. It represents my expectations of reality and happiness. Money represents the system that was retaining me from that, the bureaucracy, the obstacles, the circumstances. That's why the title is 'El Costo de la Luna" or the Price of the moon. It also represents the lengths we are willing to go to reach freedom, happiness, stability, certainty. The cycle theme goes along with this theme. I wanted to symbolize how eager I was to stop the cycle, to escape this situation and just live in my dreams, the surreal world. I'm excited that my film is not 100% clear of what it is talking about. It invites the viewer to study each shot's meaning, each object, each interaction. I don't know if people will understand the situation fully, but I'm sure they will understand the emotions I was feeling, and will likely feel the same. I like that my story is not fully out there. The word immigration is not mentioned once, or the system, I wanted to take away its power. My story is not about immigration, is about family, and discovering yourself in uncertain times, and the feeling of wanting to escape, or break the cycle.I loved that the circumstances made me change my original spine of the film. I have always had a thing for the moon, and the universe. It has always intrigued me. And giving it this twist to represent my feelings, felt like the perfect fit. It is something that looks the same from every window, every country, a universal beauty we can all loop up to. It felt connecting.
My website and postcard, ended up being my favorite part. I was able to use many stills that gave my film the essence I had strived for. Researching these, and the genres, was probably my favorite part of the process. I learned so much in terms of the branding of coming of age films, and experimental films, and was exposed to some great works thanks to that. Which is always a great thing. I wish I wouldn't have procrastinated more on them though, so I could've savor it a little more, and had more fun with it. My postcard was the most fun, because it was the quickest. It came to me instantly, and I did it in probably 40 minutes. I knew I wanted it to be as broad as my film, and at the same time, eye catching. I included the fictional showtimes on the back to give it accessibility, and kept the branding of my other components to add cohesiveness. The website was so much fun as well. I loved choosing the aspects, and creating bios for my actors, and little snippets like the 8track where people could keep connected with the film even after. Choosing the songs was the hardest part, but I'm happy with the ones that made the cut, and feel like they represent the film perfectly. The instagram was my personal touch to the project. I love marketing and branding overall, so adding my little touch in these aspects, makes it a little bit more mine.
All in all, this class has impacted me in ways I could never express in words. I met the most amazing people. People who I feel I can talk about anything and won't send me to a mental institution when I say postmodernism could swallow me whole and spit me in the middle of the ocean and I would say thank you. People who are not only incredible and talented creators, but are also the most wholesome amazing friends you could get. People who accompany me as I try to fulfill my dreams of living in a coming of age film, and take me to the coolest places ( We got the Beat will forever be our little home ;). I entered this class thinking I wanted to study philosophy and become a lawyer, and while I'm not completely ruling out the lawyer thing (sorry Mrs. Stoklosa), I discovered that I'm actually decent at this. I discovered how one could be critical of their work, but still proud of it. I discovered how to play to my strengths, and grow as an artist and creator, and to collaborate with others to produce awesome things (shoutout to the alphas). I am now proud to say that as of now, I will be majoring in media and cinema studies with a focus on video production at either the University of Florida, or Wellesley College (yes I am aware May 1st is right around the corner, I'm making my decision soon). But most specially, I'm thankful for media for introducing me to a teacher that really cares about her students. Tina has guided me in my journey and has always taught us to be strong, proud, and aware of how media conglomerates own us. I will never forget this class, and it is probably the best thing Cypress gave me. Media I thank you (ze media cult foreva).

In the end I loved making this film, it forced me to give one last effort in my last high school project, and to stay creatively stimulated throughout a crisis, and I am extremely proud of myself. The fact that we all did this during a global pandemic is insane, fun, and bizarre, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Now we get to say we created a short film in a global pandemic, and will remember the process forever.

'Hey Google play 'Heroes' by David Bowie' 

st to see the final product!

*Special thanks to Sophie Diebold for helping me out with the record player, and listening to my rants trying to figure my film out (and the rest of the Alphas). Also to Valentina Sanchez for being my rock throughout the last strand of the process. Thanks to Memi and Jonathan for lending me their tripods, and to Najul for getting me the rights to Dreams. Also to The Carmics and Wendy Lane for creating fire tracks and letting me use them, to Tina for being the BEST teacher, and especially to my dear ze media cult for ALWAYS being there to answer my questions, give me feedback, and supporting me. *

How do you see me ?

IT came to my mind that I haven't really talked about the other components of the project so let's get on that!

I decided to do the website on wix.com, because I've used it before and I think it would do the job just fine. I wanted to research my favorite coming of age and experimental films' websites, to kind of see the genres' style in this component, and the conventions they followed.

These were my favorite:

Ladybird

In Ladybird's website I noticed the interactive features, which I liked a lot, and give a feel of the movie, and the characters. It also plays videos of little snippets of the movie which I liked. The social media is also embedded which makes it easier for the interactions with the audience. 

I decided to create an instagram as well. You can find it @elcostodelaluna. Turns out if you open an account with no followers and post a lot you can get shadow banned for a while, so I wasn't able to keep posting. I deleted the account and tried again but after 12 posts they get deleted seconds after posting :/. Here's how the feed looks and would look like:

The Lobster

The lobster also had an interactive game that I though was super fun, but my favorite part was that it took you to the soundtrack playlist on apple music, so I made an 8track for my film, so I could include it in the website.

The Florida Project

What I loved about the Florida Project's website was the videos as backgrounds, which I decided I wanted to include in mine, at least for the title. 

So I ended up using the template of Wix named "It's a family affair". I felt like it fit my vibe perfectly, and the image was exactly what I wanted. So I started playing with it, and I'm excited to see the result.

Now for the postcard I wanted it to be abstract so I took inspiration from these films: 

I really liked the idea of a solid background and a dramatic object in the middle, with a cursive handwriting. I personally like when posters don't give out much about the stories and are very vague. I feel like they create intrigue and interest, and are very poetic. 

So I decided to use a solid color background and the coin mixed in with the moon, with my name and maybe a few awards? I went on pages and this is what I came up with:

I ended up putting the white box around the coin to symbolize the restraint and to make the coin stand out more. I really liked it a lot, and I find it funny that I literally made it on pages lol. 

Either way the one I had trouble with was the back. I wanted to include a fictional schedule to a film festival screening. I wanted to use a cool still for the background and not have it be too cluttered. This one i used canva, because it was easier to move things around. 

This is what I came up with:

I think it might be a little too vague, but I liked it a lot, and i think the bold colors are cool.

st!

Luces Camera Acción

DOES it all make sense now?

So today, I finally got to shoot the remaining parts of the film. But first, I should explain the different turn i've taken in regards of the subject matter. The merry go round was impossible to find, and I couldn't figure out how to do the scene without the kid. So I considered the fact that the coin had become an important part of the film, and my new found love for the shots with the moon, and I realized what's the ultimate circle symbolism? THE MOON. So I shifted everything and realized the moon could be my biggest theme. I decided that she could be wanting to 'dance with the moon', symbolizing her want of freedom, choice, and money, or the coin, could symbolize the system that was failing her, everything that was going wrong that she had no control over. So I named it 'The cost of the Moon'  or 'El Costo de la Luna'. Also I'm clearly obsessed with it and the universe like:

My friend standing as an equal to the moon

Me quite literally dancing with the moon

My most played song

Me holding the moon and feeling like I own the whole WORLD

My very first Tattoo

The last scene was the epitome of her frustration, of her letting go, so I decided to have a static shot of her riding at night, stopping and yelling at the moon, and closing with the wheel turning and stopping, or maybe a graphic match into the vinyl record turning and stopping.

So after all of this shift in directions, I needed a new song to fit the new theme. I struggled quite a bit, but after going through every possible corner of apple music, there was no way I was going to be able to reach my favorite artists in such short notice. Until.... my friend mentioned that his friend had a band, and I listened to their songs and there was one, that was just perfect! The song's name was 'Dreams' by the band Wendy Lane. So my friend asked him for me, and he gave me permission to use the song:

Whew! after all that it was finally time to shoot do here's the script of the parent scene: 

Filming with my parents was ..... a challenge, but we figured out a dynamic that made it easier. The sound wasn't working in my camera, even after I connected the mic, so I recorded from voice memos on my phone. The scene stayed the same as before, and i stuck to the storyboard. However, I did a scene in the kitchen that looked so nice! You will see. I was happy with the composition of the shots, but the lighting was kind of troubling. But in the end it turned out just fine. So I'm excited to see how it turns out. 

So turns out, when I wanted to record the last scene, the moon wasn't visible which was a bummer, but I figured I could just edit it in after, which might look a tad fake, but hey it's experimental right? Now that I'm done I'm so excited to start editing and see the final product!

st!

NAME IT NOW!

WHAT a dilemma!
So since I kind of changed the concept of my film, I wanted to have a title, that was as experimental, interesting and vague, as my film. So I started googling many things that could possibly tranmit the message I wanted to give.
These are what I came up with:

Pero si yo bailo con la luna 

Cíclico

Rompe 

Lunero 

Impotencia 

happiness= expectation/ reality 

impotente 

impotence 

impotence of the state 

impotence of the cycles 

always starting 

None of them felt right though. It wasn't until I started talking about it with my friend that it all came to me: 

The Price of the moon or El Costo de la Luna. 

It's so poetic, so me, so my film. 

It is vague, but deep and metaphorical. It notes the criticism of wanting to get things we may never get, and the feeling of not being able to get there. It is Perfect and I'm so excited. 

st!